Blackmail

It's all fun and games 'til someone pulls out the scrapbook and starts digging into your past. We all have those photos that should never have been taken. Seriously, what inspired my mother to take a picture of my 4-year-old backside when I sported a super swimmingsuit wedgy? Why did a picture of me picking my nose ever make it into the books...a constant reminder that some habits weren't the easiest for me to break.

Now that I am a Mom I find myself following the same disturbing pattern. Something about the sight of Isac bopping into the room wearing Haddy's dress and hair bow made my fingers itch to take a picture. I'll keep it tucked away somewhere and use it only when necessity demands.

Somethin' to Smile About

After a great audition, Trevor is happy to announce that he's been asked back for a second season with OSF. As you can see, we're grinning about the news.

Sophia wants her grin to display 8 teeth, so 4 more are cutting through her sensitive little gums right now.

If you asked Haddy about the news, she would fill your mind with stories about her life. Her stories would involve mean witchies and dancing princesses. She'd probably even pull out a book from the stack that she's been memorizing and make you laugh with her interpretations of it.

Isac is more reserved. When asked, "Are you excited to be in Ashland another year?" He replies, "Dad, will you just wrestle me again?" As long as Dad's in the picture, he doesn't care where we are.

As for Trevor and I, we hope that another year in Ashland gives us opportunities to do more than we've been able to do the last 4 months. There are so many people to see, places to go, and ice cream flavors to sample.

I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Isac ran in the house after Church and yelled, "I go to the Church of Jesus Christ!!"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Um....Heavenly Father loves me."

I hadn't thought of it that way, but it was undoubtedly true.

God does love us. He loved us enough to send Jesus Christ to the earth, who organized a Church with all the keys to happiness. When this true Church fell into spiritual decay, a complete restoration was required. Our loving God called upon the Prophet Joseph Smith to be the one to reorganize Jesus Christ's Church upon the earth. Today, the Church is led by President Thomas S. Monson.

In a time when the world may seem dark to many, a great light has penetrated the earth. The gospel of Jesus Christ brings light and love into our home. Membership in the Church gives us peace, knowing that Heavenly Father really does love us.

*We love this website that reminds us about God's love for us. If you ever need a lift, visit it! We dare you! http://www.mormon.org/

You Have Your Hands Full

An old lady stops us on the sidewalk and exclaims, "You have your hands full!"

A man states, "You're pretty busy, aren't you."

An inquisitive woman in the grocery store asks, "Do you plan on having any more?"

After hearing "You have a full load" a third time, Isac turns and asks, "Why do people always say that?"

I can't imagine why.

An Age of Questions

Isac is four. Four-year-olds feel bigger the morning of their Birthday. They walk around the house showing you how high they can reach and what they can climb because they are four. When they crash their new big bikes they get right back on; they can "read" books to their sisters; they cut their own pancakes with a fork. Most of all, four-year-olds ask questions.

• "Mommy, why do you have so many balls on you?" (Freckles...)
  
• "Why does Jesus tell you to eat lettuce?"
  
• "Will I be bigger like a Dad when I am 4?"
  
• "Will I have a lots of hair when I get 4...like Dad?"
  
• "Will I be shot like Joseph Smith when I get bigger?"
  
• "When I feel hot, is that my spirit?"

That doesn't mean four-year-olds don't provide a lot of answers.

• "When I get bigger, like Daddy, I will eat too many treats and get sick...because I can choose that."


• "For my Birthday I would like a toy store....or....um...maybe just a toy that makes bananas and chocolate into cars."
  
• "Haddy, you need to hold my hand so I can keep you safe." (On a long walk home from the park).


• "You will miss me when I am 5." "Why?" "Because I will be so bigger."


• Trevor was helping Isac ride his bike outside. As they approached a hill, Isac stopped and Trevor urged him on. Isac replied, "No, Dad. I need to stop and pretend something." He then acted out a crash with sound effects and actions.


• Isac was praying quietly in the corner and announced that he had ask for "there to be no food or water" like Nephi when he prayed for a famine. I ask, "but what if I get hungry?" He walked back to the corner and prayed that there would be food and water.

We're happy to have our inquisitive, entertaining, sensitive four-year-old blow out another candle on his birthday cake.

My Relief Society Family

Although I was excited to be with Trevor again, it was hard to say goodbye to my family after a long visit, not knowing the next time we would see each other.

Happily, at Church today I realized that I am still amongst family. I looked around at some of the women in Relief Society that I admire and I knew that these were women from whom I could learn so much--women like my own mom and sisters who prioritize their lives around the gospel of Jesus Christ and know how to nurture and sustain families.

I am grateful to have an extended Church family and specifically, to belong to an organization of women who have a clear sense of identity and purpose. When I am wiping smeared jelly off of the kitchen table and sweeping Cheerios off the floor I must repeat in my mind part of the Relief Society declaration: I am a woman of "faith, virtue, vision, and charity, who...find[s] nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood." I often disguise this nobility by wearing T-shirts covered with fingerprints and snot streaks on my shoulder, but I repeat the phrase over and over.

Other phrases contained in this declaration are equally empowering. I am a woman who "increases [my] testimony of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study." I am not blindly following tradition. I independently pray to know that Jesus Christ is the literal son of God, He atoned for the sins of the world, and amazingly enough, He knows me.

I am part of a "worldwide sisterhood, united in devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and exemplar." I long to be like the women in Relief Society who are commited to loving others and trying to do what He wants them to do.

As quoted by the Relief Society, I "dedicate [myself] to strengthening marriages, families, and homes...delight in service and good works...love life and learning...and understand [my] divine destiny." These are lofty goals that give me direction. They help me know how to prioritize my life so that I am not too consumed with things of little importance.

When I follow this declaration, I can say "no" in order to protect the limited time I have to be with my children while they are young. I can find ways to get outside of my own circle to serve others. I can learn from women who have a wealth of knowledge in literature, gardening, maintaining food storage, journaling, cooking, exercising, and parenting. Most importantly, when I feel overwhelmed by inadequacy, I can hold on to the fact that I am a daughter of God. I am making a journey of mistakes but I hope for a celestial destination.

Only a loving God who understands women perfectly would inspire Joseph Smith to organize such a sisterhood. I am so grateful for my Relief Society family.

These talks remind me of who I am...or who I want to be. When I'm reevaluating priorities, feeling overwhelmed, or needing validation, I love reading these talks.

• Julie B. Beck, “What Latter-day Saint Women Do Best: Stand Strong and Immovable,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 109–12. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=e22a26cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
• James E. Faust, “Instruments in the Hands of God,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 114 http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1ed178de9441c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
• Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 14–16 http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=571fa1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

Happy Birthday, Mommy

Happy Birthday, Mom! We love you and hope you had a very fun and enjoyable Birthday.

Stopping the Clock for Haddy

I have a two decorative clocks on my walls that need fixed. Sometimes I wish I could stop the clock of my life as easily.

The other day, I looked across the dinner table and Haddy had grown up. She was wearing a princess dress and eating ladylike bites, contributing to our conversation and making us laugh.

I have a paper on the fridge for each of my kids' quotes and acheivements. These are just a few quotes I want to remember about my Haddy in the month of May.

• "My tummy is hurting. I need to put a bandaid on it."
  
• Haddy was pretending to be sad with her head down and an exaggerated frown. I asked her what was wrong and she smiled and said, "Nothing. I'm just talkin' 'bout a big tease."


• As she tickled Sophia, she exclaimed, "I made a funny!"


• I was cutting a picture for Isac and she counciled, "Mommy, be careful. Don't cut your piggy-nails." She'll also say, "Let's paint my finger-tails."
  
• "Mommy, you take your jammies off and I'll take my jammies off and put our dresses on and 'da-dah-daaaahhh'.....we'll be a PRINCESS!!!" We did just that.


• "I want more oatmeal with raisins...no....coldie blueberries...no...I don't know what I'm talking about."


• "Mommy, when you get bigger, you will wear Princess underpants like me."


• At Lithia Park we were watching waterfalls and Haddy said, "That waterfall is my favorite...no, PINK waterfalls is my favorite."

In time, the image of Haddy's boyish run, her round tummy, her black church shoes tapping to a beat, her deliberate and exaggerated expressions, and her red curls will fade in my memory. I can't remove a battery to make my clock stop. Why is it that the things most necessary to happiness--progress, change, and growth--are also the most painful?

Maybe I won't fix those clocks.

Mothers Day

A man at Church told a story of how his Grandmother, at age 94, kept asking him how his father was doing. After the third or fourth question regarding his father's health and activities she got a sparkle in her eye and admitted, "You never stop being a mother, do you?"

Today I watched Isac stand before a congregation and sing songs with the Primary about mothers. Tears welled in my eyes. I imagined how I'll feel when I am 94 and he is a grown man. I'm sure I'll still be questioning others about him, praying for him, and wanting the best for him and all of my children.

My mom has proven to me that you never stop being a mother. She stays connected with me, persuades me to go to the doctor when I'm sick, reminds me to go to the temple when I need spiritually uplifted, and validates my efforts as a parent. She is my friend.

I've made a little movie to honor her today. I hope she feels of my love and gratitude today, and always.

Happy Days in Ashland

We may have had to spend 14 hours in a Uhaul, eat 42 circus cookies to stay awake, pack and unpack 102 boxes, load and unload a piano, and use 300 gallons of gas, but we are happy to call Ashland, Oregon our new home.

Isac is happy to be in Primary with a lot of older kids to imitate. He loves exploring the parks and hiking in the mountains but he's also content to spend time on our balcony or in our yard. His new triumphs include riding a bike all the way to a nature park, teaching a friend's dog how to fetch, and sliding down the firepole at Garfield Park.

Haddyn is happy about keeping her new Princess underwear dry, and helping me sweep up our new wood floors and cook in our big kitchen. She loves visiting the library and yelling, "hi" to everyone we meet on the sidewalk. She's constantly asking to be held and loves hugs and kisses from her Dad.

Sophia is happy to ride in the backpack as we take walks around town. She likes sitting up in the middle of the floor surrounded by toys and she's just beginning to care that she's not mobile. We expect to see her scooting around the house any time now. She's excited to have three teeth and to add carrots, peas, and sweet potatoes to her rice cereal diet.

Amy is happy to play house every day, having a washer and dryer of her very own, and enough cupboard space for food storage. Though she is now 26, she is happiest squishing her feet in the mud and wading in streams with her kids or eating cereal at 10:00 p.m. with Trevor when he has no rehearsals.

Trevor is happy to get paid for attending rehearsals and meeting talented actors in the company. He loves parking the car in the garage, being 20 minutes away from the temple, barbequing on our patio, and playing his electric guitar as loud as he wants without waking the neighbors. To earn some extra change and keep his boyish appearance, he is doing a paper route in downtown Ashland.

When life gets too happy, however, we usually get a reminder that it isn't all fun and games. Right now we are in the winner's bracket but we are waiting for the unfortunate necessity of trial. We must get sick, pay bills, have sleepless nights, and spill milk on the carpet in order to appreciate the times when we are full of energy, the house is spotless, and we have spare change in our pockets.

Our Screaming Soundtrack

Screaming seems to accompany everything we do. Just give us a call, any time of day, and you will hear our screaming soundtrack. Haddy screams in happiness, frustration, and play. Isac follows her lead. Sophia joins in to say she's sick of being ignored.

Lately, screams come from the many "bad guys" that invade our house. Isac and Haddy, dressed down to their undies and diaper, fly around the house like Superman and corner their enemies. They keep their body temperature up in our cold apartment by climbing on furniture, falling on piles of blankets, and doing tricks on the couch. Luckily, Isac's superhero fixation has not prevented him from letting Haddy choose their play every once in a while. They create quite the fairytale scene when they dress up as a prince and princess and waltz to classical music.

Haddyn doesn't have to dress up to be the princess of our home. For her two year birthday, we made princess party hats, decorated a princess cake, and watched our princess prance around the house declaring, "It's my Birt-day!"

Each day, Sophia becomes more aware of her older brother and sister's playtimes and fights. She loves sitting in the "spaceship" bouncer we borrowed from a neighbor because she feels like she's part of the action. Most of the time, she is. Isac and Haddy can't survive an hour without smothering her with kisses. She is our angel baby, behaving on cue and smiling at anyone who catches her eye.

We hope to find an adequate apartment in Ashland to hold all the wrestling matches, superhero battles, forts, picnics, and other family events. We're looking forward to the big adventure, despite the fact that we'll be leaving our comfortable little Moscow filled with familiarity.

With the help of this blog, we'll keep you posted. I've attached a 2 minutes of family video for your viewing pleasure. Feel free to delete these insanely long family updates as soon as they come your way.

Christmas 2007

Top 10 Reasons Why Christmas Will be Different for the Hill Family This Year:

10. Trevor will entertain us with lines from the five different plays in which he participated: Betrayal, Much Ado About Nothing, No Fish in the House, Summer of ‘42, and A Midsummer’s Night Dream.

9. We will try not to accumulate a lot of presents to haul to Ashland, Oregon in two months, where Trevor will be working for the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.

8. When Amy beats Trevor at every card and board game in the house, he will try to get even by flaunting his new title: Master of Fine Arts. Amy might then retort that she is a master at delivering three big babies…with a little help from modern medicine.

7. In October, we were joined by a fifth caroler, Sophia Cathryn Hill, who may be our dark-haired, chubby-cheeked beauty, but she sings loud, off key and at the most inappropriate times.

6. Haddyn Jamie is almost two and will win Santa’s heart by singing, dancing, and blowing kisses for him. Haddy will be on his nice list for giving her baby sister 101,000 kisses a day, helping her Mom make cookies, and painting pictures for everyone in the house.

5. At any given time, three-year-old Isac could morph into Venom, Spiderman, a dinosaur, a cowboy, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, a teacher, a cook, his Dad, or Superman. This could possibly confuse or scare Santa away. Luckily, Isac knows Santa will come because he’s been praying for weeks that “Santa will come…tomorrow.”

4. Between diapering and feeding and playing with her children, Amy will be able to catch a few minutes playing the piano, quilting a wall hanging, painting, or taking a bath while Trevor has more time at home.

3. We can look back with fondness at the time we’ve been able to spend with our family in Colorado and Idaho Falls, looking forward to our next trip to see family in our new
mini-van.
2. We will be able to thank Heavenly Father for sending His Son to this earth, who has helped, protected, blessed, and comforted us so often this year.

1. And the number one reason is that five of us, instead of four, can wish you a Merry CHRISTmas and a Happy New Year!