You Have Your Hands Full

An old lady stops us on the sidewalk and exclaims, "You have your hands full!"

A man states, "You're pretty busy, aren't you."

An inquisitive woman in the grocery store asks, "Do you plan on having any more?"

After hearing "You have a full load" a third time, Isac turns and asks, "Why do people always say that?"

I can't imagine why.

An Age of Questions

Isac is four. Four-year-olds feel bigger the morning of their Birthday. They walk around the house showing you how high they can reach and what they can climb because they are four. When they crash their new big bikes they get right back on; they can "read" books to their sisters; they cut their own pancakes with a fork. Most of all, four-year-olds ask questions.

• "Mommy, why do you have so many balls on you?" (Freckles...)
  
• "Why does Jesus tell you to eat lettuce?"
  
• "Will I be bigger like a Dad when I am 4?"
  
• "Will I have a lots of hair when I get 4...like Dad?"
  
• "Will I be shot like Joseph Smith when I get bigger?"
  
• "When I feel hot, is that my spirit?"

That doesn't mean four-year-olds don't provide a lot of answers.

• "When I get bigger, like Daddy, I will eat too many treats and get sick...because I can choose that."


• "For my Birthday I would like a toy store....or....um...maybe just a toy that makes bananas and chocolate into cars."
  
• "Haddy, you need to hold my hand so I can keep you safe." (On a long walk home from the park).


• "You will miss me when I am 5." "Why?" "Because I will be so bigger."


• Trevor was helping Isac ride his bike outside. As they approached a hill, Isac stopped and Trevor urged him on. Isac replied, "No, Dad. I need to stop and pretend something." He then acted out a crash with sound effects and actions.


• Isac was praying quietly in the corner and announced that he had ask for "there to be no food or water" like Nephi when he prayed for a famine. I ask, "but what if I get hungry?" He walked back to the corner and prayed that there would be food and water.

We're happy to have our inquisitive, entertaining, sensitive four-year-old blow out another candle on his birthday cake.

My Relief Society Family

Although I was excited to be with Trevor again, it was hard to say goodbye to my family after a long visit, not knowing the next time we would see each other.

Happily, at Church today I realized that I am still amongst family. I looked around at some of the women in Relief Society that I admire and I knew that these were women from whom I could learn so much--women like my own mom and sisters who prioritize their lives around the gospel of Jesus Christ and know how to nurture and sustain families.

I am grateful to have an extended Church family and specifically, to belong to an organization of women who have a clear sense of identity and purpose. When I am wiping smeared jelly off of the kitchen table and sweeping Cheerios off the floor I must repeat in my mind part of the Relief Society declaration: I am a woman of "faith, virtue, vision, and charity, who...find[s] nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood." I often disguise this nobility by wearing T-shirts covered with fingerprints and snot streaks on my shoulder, but I repeat the phrase over and over.

Other phrases contained in this declaration are equally empowering. I am a woman who "increases [my] testimony of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study." I am not blindly following tradition. I independently pray to know that Jesus Christ is the literal son of God, He atoned for the sins of the world, and amazingly enough, He knows me.

I am part of a "worldwide sisterhood, united in devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and exemplar." I long to be like the women in Relief Society who are commited to loving others and trying to do what He wants them to do.

As quoted by the Relief Society, I "dedicate [myself] to strengthening marriages, families, and homes...delight in service and good works...love life and learning...and understand [my] divine destiny." These are lofty goals that give me direction. They help me know how to prioritize my life so that I am not too consumed with things of little importance.

When I follow this declaration, I can say "no" in order to protect the limited time I have to be with my children while they are young. I can find ways to get outside of my own circle to serve others. I can learn from women who have a wealth of knowledge in literature, gardening, maintaining food storage, journaling, cooking, exercising, and parenting. Most importantly, when I feel overwhelmed by inadequacy, I can hold on to the fact that I am a daughter of God. I am making a journey of mistakes but I hope for a celestial destination.

Only a loving God who understands women perfectly would inspire Joseph Smith to organize such a sisterhood. I am so grateful for my Relief Society family.

These talks remind me of who I am...or who I want to be. When I'm reevaluating priorities, feeling overwhelmed, or needing validation, I love reading these talks.

• Julie B. Beck, “What Latter-day Saint Women Do Best: Stand Strong and Immovable,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 109–12. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=e22a26cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
• James E. Faust, “Instruments in the Hands of God,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 114 http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1ed178de9441c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
• Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 14–16 http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=571fa1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

Happy Birthday, Mommy

Happy Birthday, Mom! We love you and hope you had a very fun and enjoyable Birthday.

Stopping the Clock for Haddy

I have a two decorative clocks on my walls that need fixed. Sometimes I wish I could stop the clock of my life as easily.

The other day, I looked across the dinner table and Haddy had grown up. She was wearing a princess dress and eating ladylike bites, contributing to our conversation and making us laugh.

I have a paper on the fridge for each of my kids' quotes and acheivements. These are just a few quotes I want to remember about my Haddy in the month of May.

• "My tummy is hurting. I need to put a bandaid on it."
  
• Haddy was pretending to be sad with her head down and an exaggerated frown. I asked her what was wrong and she smiled and said, "Nothing. I'm just talkin' 'bout a big tease."


• As she tickled Sophia, she exclaimed, "I made a funny!"


• I was cutting a picture for Isac and she counciled, "Mommy, be careful. Don't cut your piggy-nails." She'll also say, "Let's paint my finger-tails."
  
• "Mommy, you take your jammies off and I'll take my jammies off and put our dresses on and 'da-dah-daaaahhh'.....we'll be a PRINCESS!!!" We did just that.


• "I want more oatmeal with raisins...no....coldie blueberries...no...I don't know what I'm talking about."


• "Mommy, when you get bigger, you will wear Princess underpants like me."


• At Lithia Park we were watching waterfalls and Haddy said, "That waterfall is my favorite...no, PINK waterfalls is my favorite."

In time, the image of Haddy's boyish run, her round tummy, her black church shoes tapping to a beat, her deliberate and exaggerated expressions, and her red curls will fade in my memory. I can't remove a battery to make my clock stop. Why is it that the things most necessary to happiness--progress, change, and growth--are also the most painful?

Maybe I won't fix those clocks.

Mothers Day

A man at Church told a story of how his Grandmother, at age 94, kept asking him how his father was doing. After the third or fourth question regarding his father's health and activities she got a sparkle in her eye and admitted, "You never stop being a mother, do you?"

Today I watched Isac stand before a congregation and sing songs with the Primary about mothers. Tears welled in my eyes. I imagined how I'll feel when I am 94 and he is a grown man. I'm sure I'll still be questioning others about him, praying for him, and wanting the best for him and all of my children.

My mom has proven to me that you never stop being a mother. She stays connected with me, persuades me to go to the doctor when I'm sick, reminds me to go to the temple when I need spiritually uplifted, and validates my efforts as a parent. She is my friend.

I've made a little movie to honor her today. I hope she feels of my love and gratitude today, and always.